“Unless you’re winning, most of life will seem hideously unfair to you.”
The real rules are there. They actually make sense. But they’re a bit more complicated, and a lot less comfortable, which is why most people never manage to learn them.
We’re all in competition, although we prefer not to realise it. Most achievements are only notable relative to others. You swam more miles, or danced better, or got more Facebook Likes than the average. Well done.
It’s a painful thing to believe, of course, which is why we’re constantly ensuring the opposite. “Just do your best”, we hear. “You’re only in competition with yourself”. The funny thing about platitudes like that is they’re designed to make you try harder anyway. If competition really didn’t matter, we’d tell struggling children to just give up.
Fortunately, we don’t live in a world where everyone has to kill each other to prosper. The blessing of modern civilization is there’s abundant opportunities, and enough for us all to get by, even if we don’t compete directly.
But never fall for the collective delusion that there’s not a competition going on. People dress up to win partners. They interview to win jobs. If you deny that competition exists, you’re just losing. Everything in demand is on a competitive scale. And the best is only available to those who are willing to truly fight for it.
We judge ourselves by our thoughts.
“I’m a good person”. “I’m ambitious”. “I’m better than this.” These idle impulses may comfort us at night, but they’re not how the world sees us. They’re not even how we see other people.
Well-meaning intentions don’t matter. An internal sense of honour and love and duty count for squat. What exactly can you and have you done for the world?
Abilities are not prized by their virtue. Whatever admiration society awards us, comes from the selfish perspectives of others. A hard working janitor is less rewarded by society than a ruthless stockbroker. A cancer researcher is rewarded less than a supermodel. Why? Because those abilities are rarer and impact more people.
We like to think that society rewards those who do the best work.
Write an unpublished book, you’re nobody. Write Harry Potter and the world wants to know you. Save a life, you’re a small-town hero, but cure cancer and you’re a legend. Unfortunately, the same rule applies to all talents, even unsavoury ones.
You may hate this. It may make you sick. Reality doesn’t care. You’re judged by what you have the ability to do, and the volume of people you can impact. If you don’t accept this, then the judgement of the world will seem very unfair indeed.
“Life is not meant to be fair. It never was, never is and will never always be fair, so now what?”
We suffer because of the idea that life was meant to be painless and things should go smoothly as it is. If life was so smooth, then we would all still be a dunce and still be using stones to start a fire or still wearing animal skins as clothes.
You don’t expect life to be fair to you because you are a good person or you work so hard. Life has its own rules, it’s complicated and not the same for everyone.
This life is so unfair that we are being brought to this life without our consent, and as well die without death asking for our permission before taking us away.
Life is a mixture of myriad torments and baffling situations that may even compel one unconsciously to erase off all the joyous occasions that they lived. Every moment in life is a bundle of unpredictable surprises, some good and some really tough.
“From the school to the workplace to community, there’s no statement more damning than “You’re being unfair!” Born out of democracy and raised in open markets, fairness has become our de facto modern creed in this modern life. “
Everyone here is a victim of life unfairness. I just wonder sometimes why things happen to some people and wish I could just lift my hands and make their problems go away. But the truth is, I am also a victim.
Sometimes, humans are livestock and fuel to make this life thrive with the way newborn babies come into our lives and the way we see the people we loved no more.
Have you ever wondered why people suffer? Why do people die? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does everyone around you seem to succeed and all you do is fail? Why don’t you always feel special? Why do people disappoint you? Why can’t you get the job/offer/position you want? Why do you have that serious illness?
Well, all these questions are questions I have asked myself and come with only one thing:
We suffer a lot because we only think about how life is unfair to us, ask a lot of whys, compare ourselves to others, we don’t want to accept it and just move on. Everyone in this life has a place they stand, orchestrated by the laws of the universe. You need to fight for yours. Don’t ever compare yourself.
As an adult, the moment you start dwelling in the thought that life should be fair to you, then it’s a thought distortion often called the cognitive distortion or Fallacy of Fairness. It basically means sometimes, we think life should always be perfect and fair to us in every way whereas it’s not. This often leads to depression because it’s basically against our belief system and our expectations.
“Life is unfair”, “No one can get everything he wants to get” and “You can’t succeed before you suffer” are some false beliefs that your mind might use as a decoy not to present you with the real facts.
If you tried once and failed then definitely you will discover that life is unfair. Life was not intended for those who try only once then give up but instead, it’s orchestrated for the determined and strong-minded people who keep trying until they get what they want.
You know, you can waste all of your energy and time stuck in that persistent thought on how life is unfair to you, or you can accept the fact that there’s no way life will thrive without being unfair to everyone in the universe.
So what do I/We/You do now?