My smile hides my tears. My laugh hides my screams. It’s been this way for days. Things aren’t as they seem.
I always seem so happy. With not a care in the world. But you should know, sadly Many things go untold.
Even in the crowd of people I’m feeling so lonely, It seems like everywhere is evil, I’m falling in obscurity slowly.
I feel nothing, I feel everything, And that’s all in the same time, And that’s how I feel it all the time.
I’m so tired of living, I know I am nothing, Who belong to no one, Who doesn’t know how to have fun?
Here’s no place in the world for me, And I even don’t know who I want to be, No chasing for my future living, I don’t have a thought about who I’m being.
I’m walking down at streets in the loneliness, In awareness that I’m truly fucking mess, Some people have a god bless, But I’m cursed, I guess.
I’m wearing the eyeglasses and the jacket with color of the darkest night, The sky is middle of purple and blue, It’s a little bit cold, because the sun isn’t still bright as it might, I try to think straight, but I’m fucking crazy and have this clue.
Once again the sobbing of my heart, drowns out thoughts of laughter. And still the ache of loneliness tells, there is no sign of what I am after.
Through ache of the soul and a pain, deep in my damaged spirit’s broken core. Everything I am and all of my being, just longing for someone to adore.
There is someone for everyone, I have heard people often say. So why this dark lonely space, my head can’t go away?
When you have love to give, and there is no one there. Until all your body can feel, is darkness and empty despair.
How can you hang onto dreams, or even make an effort to cope. Abandoned by love and alone, knowing each day there is no hope.
A pain so deep and this endless ache, so much love to give it can’t be wrong. Through hearts cry and souls pain, Somehow I am meant to stay strong.
As I sit here and wonder how things would have turned out, Not to have been part of your life was there ever a doubt. I would see you again, i just didn’t know when. A long time has passed, wondering how you have been. Just to see your face one last time is something I never would have thought, You have been on my mind all this time, something that I had always and never forgot. Life has its ups, and its downs Seems like you are always fighting it all And when you think you are one step ahead You come across the pebble that makes you fall. Forever looking at stars Dreaming of ours Futures unknown Forever one step ahead To our ten steps slow Promises to never look back To let the past be just that Suppressing memories Even those of a happy me Happier than the one in the mirror some days Sick of your ways And your empty words Of futures unknown Forever one step ahead To our ten steps slow Promising to never look back To let the past be just that And I’m thinking of leaving you there To satisfy the stranger in the mirror To satisfy me And my future unknown Forever one step ahead To my ten steps slow I promise to never look back To never repeat the bad But to smile instead At where I’ve been And to stare at the clouds To wish on stars Letting go of ours And focusing on mine Dreams defined My future still unknown Only one step ahead To my two steps slow I’m catching up, not looking back Keeping the past as just that Learning to smile at possibilities And me.
Without you, my nights are lonely. Everything seems so empty. Only with you I know I will be fine. Moments with you are frozen in time. When I’m with you, I feel that nothing in the world can tear us apart. I feel that when I’m without I get left with a broken heart. When I’m with you, I feel that I will love you forever. Without you, nothing lasts forever.
Me without you is like a leafless fall, a snowless winter, and a flowerless spring. is like a colorless rainbow, a sunless day, and a starless night. is like the ocean without a wave, the beach without sand, and a flameless fire. is like a book without words, a man without a face, and a child with no name.
I can’t get you out of my mind In my dreams, I think about you There are days when I can’t go on The thought of wanting you is strong You make my heart want so much I cry in my sleep, because I’m not enough
There’s nothing I can do, to shake the blues If only I was enough, if only I could show you How serious I am, when it comes down to you Never have I wanted anyone so much more Until the day I saw you, then it was for sure
So, I am sitting here, writing this poem to you, because right now it is all I can do. I write all these poems from what I feel, all these feelings I have are too real.
You were the only person I looked up to, For everything that I wanted to do. But now you are gone, And I just can’t move on.
All the things I learned from you, are the things I want to do. But I can’t because without you I’m not good enough, I’m not confident, or tough.
I want to be there by your side, with you for the rest of my life. I want to be in your arms, where I could never be harmed.
And you were too young to die, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
If I would spend my life without you I don’t know how it would be I would be lost and confused My life would have no direction.
कभी लगा भी था सही में लाइफ बस दो दिन की होती है।।।।।
कभी लगा नही था जो फैमिली ना होकर , अपना सा होगा , जिसके एक मैसेज का पूरा दिन इंतजार करते थे , अब उसकी मैसेज कभी नही आयेगा।
कब हमारी दोस्ती हुई , शायद उसको याद भी नही होगा , कब हम इसे हो गए पता नही चला ।।
मुझे तो आज भी वो 11 साल पुरानी लड़ाई याद है और जब तू कुछ दिनों के लिए छुट्टी पे गया था , हमारी दोस्ती कब दोस्ती से जायदा हो गई ना तुझे पता चला ना मुझे ।।।
स्कूल के दिनों में तू होता था , जो जितने भी लड़ाई होने पे मुझे मानता था, बिना बोले मेरा लंच खा लेता था । बिना मेरे बोले समझ जाता था , की आज तो मेरा मन ठीक नही, वो तू था जो मेरे बिना बोले समझ जाता था तू उस दिन कुछ न कुछ ऐसा करता था जिससे मेरी हंसी वापस आ जाए।।
सब कितना अच्छा था ना , फिर बोलते है ना हमेशा किसी के अच्छा नही होता , कुछ कारण हमारी दोस्ती टूटी तो नही पर वैसी नही रही, मैंने ही स्कूल छोरा था , तू तो वही था , मेरा रोज स्कूल की बस में इंतजार करते हुए।
कुछ दूरियां आई , तो हमारी दोस्ती वैसी नही रही, उस टाइम Whatsapp, Facebook , Instagram, Snapchat नही था ना, बातें रोज होनी बंद हो गई, पर तूने मेरी जगह कभी किसी को नही दी, हम मिलते थे ना शाम को कभी कभी , या कभी उसके बर्थडे या मेरे। तुझे मैंने कभी अपना बेस्ट फ्रेंड तो नही बोला पर तू उससे कभी कम भी नही था ।। उस टाइम सोशल मीडिया तो नही था पर था तो विश्वास की कभी ये फ्रेंडशिप नही टूटयेगी। और तूने कभी टूटने भी नही दिया ।।
आज तुझे गए हुए दो दिन होने को है पर कही नह कही मुझे आज भी तेरे मैसेज का इंतज़ार है बस इतना मैसेज , या एक इमोजी का, आज मेरे फोन पे 100 नोटिफिकेशन है पर तेरे ही मैसेज का इंतजार है और शायद हमेशा रहएगा ।।
आज सुबह से बहुत लोगो ने बोला यार , MOVE ON, THIS IS REALITY, पर तू बोल क्या मैं तुझे बुल पाऊंगी ?? तुझे तो आज 1400 किलोमीटर दूर हो कर याद होता था , की मैंने अपनी दवाई ली है या नही, तेरे दिन के तीन मैसेज का हमेशा इंतजार रहयेगा तू वो था जो मेरे से बस साल में दो बार मिलता था , कितने वीकेंड होते थे और कितने दिन जब हम बात नही करते थे पर पता होता था , तुम हो, और रहेगा, बस टाइम नही था आज बात करने का ।
तेरी एक मैसेज से मेरी चेहरे पे मुश्कुराहट आ जाती है अब आ पाएगी क्या ?? मुझे अब रात के 3 बजे मिठाई खाने से मना कौन करेगा ? में जब लाइफ में किसी डिफिकल्ट पॉइंट पे रहूंगी तो कौन बोलेगा YAAR, THINK POSITIVE , अभी आगे बहुत कुछ है जो तेरा इंतज़ार कर रही है ।
मैंने कभी बोला नही, पर आज बोल रही हु THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING तूने बहुत कुछ किया था , तूने मुझे ज़िंदगी जीने का एक नया तरीका सिखाया है , मेरे उस टैलेंट को सबके सामने में मददत किया जो मैंने कभी सोचा नहीं था ।
तू अब नही है, शायद इसको मानने में मेरे कितने महीने बीत जाए, पर तू मेरे दिल में हमेशा रहेगा , तेरी जगह कोई नही ले पाएगा कभी ।।।। बहुत कुछ रह गई जो मैंने तुझे नही बताया, वक्त ही नही मिला की तुझे रोक पाऊं , तेरी को आखरी कॉल का बोला हुआ कभी नही भूल पाऊंगी, WILL CALL YOU SOON, यही बोले थे ना , उसका इंतजार हमेशा रहेगा ।
बस तू दिल मैं रहेगा , और हां तूने बोला था ना , तेरा नेक्स्ट बुक मेरे बर्थडे पे आना चाहिए , अब जरूर आएगा और आई प्रोमिस , तुझे दिया सारा प्रोमोज पूरा करूंगी , कभी दवाई लेना नही बोलूंगी और हमेशा आगे का सोचूंगी ।।।
I WILL MISS YOU EVERYDAY , YOU WERE UN – REPLACEABLE
“Code is more than just ones and zeroes. Code is a creative process that lets you express yourself, reach other people, generate art, and make stuff in new ways every day.“
Before I go further, if you choose to classify yourself, don’t think I’m saying one is better than another. Programmer and Coder are two different things. But they do have an interdependent connection.
Me? I am a programmer.
I can’t say, “I am a programmer, not a coder”, however. Why? One is a subset of the other.
It’s complicated, but there does seem to be some evidence that the more negative a person feels, the better their problem-solving performance is. Feeling bad, however, has a detrimental effect on productivity and motivation, while good emotions push you forward and make you slightly more creative. Way to go? Flow and more research.
The room is dim and silent. The person sitting at the desk is only visible because of the faint light given off by a couple of large screens. Half-empty mugs are uninterested witnesses of the creative process. Behold—a programmer at work.
However magical feats of software programming may seem, especially to a layperson’s eye, programming, just like creative writing, playing chess, or painting, is yet another complex cognitive activity that can be studied by psychology. And there are indeed people who focus their work on what is called human factors in software development: moods, emotions, preferences, and their effects on the quality of devs’ work.
So what is software engineering to a psychologist? A complex skill that requires two different capabilities: creativity and analytical problem-solving. To be successful and write great code, programmers need to be able both to generate many good ideas and to get to the point—find the solution, or at least one that works.
So there we have it: Being creative and solving complex problems fast and for good is what will make you a great developer. But are those qualities stable over time? What may improve the results and what has the potential to damage them? Or, as one could ask, do happy cows give more milk? Or are angry programmers the best programmers?
As a self-taught developer I had to learn by watching tutorials and straight up coding. Watching tutorials can be deceptive. Yes, following through the tutorial for some implementation will help you get the work done, but a common mistake that we beginners can make (or at least that I made) is to just copy whatever the instructor is coding without understanding what the program actually does. Make sure you understand what’s happening, and if you don’t, go deeper and start reading and learning about that method or class that you wrote but have no idea what it actually does. When the time comes that you need to implement something similar, you will know how to do it, how it works, and now you will be able to explore other options and compare them to choose the one that makes your code better in every aspect.
Programming is no magic. It is a complex skill like any others. In theory, psychologists should have something to say about it. And… they do. I’ve gone through a couple of studies that try to deconstruct the magic of emotions and moods affecting coding performance and I’m ready to share the outcome.
“Progress is possible only if we train ourselves to think about programs without thinking of them as pieces of executable code.”
So does being happy make you better at coding or does coding make you happier?
The short and somewhat technical answer is:
It’s complicated, but there does seem to be some evidence that the more negative a person feels, the better their problem-solving performance is. Feeling bad, however, has a detrimental effect on productivity and motivation, while good emotions push you forward and make you slightly more creative. Way to go? Flow and more research.
As developers, it’s easy to withdraw into our own world. It’s often a reclusive profession, and without even trying, we can have very little interaction with others. But humans are social creatures. We get married and have kids, we go to church, the community center, or the gym. We do these things because when we interact with others, it makes our world better, and it makes us better.
As engineers, we live in a highly technical environment so we think that gives us a pass on virtues like love, compassion, and empathy. No such luck! We are humans, not computers, and just because we program them doesn’t mean we should think like them. Look for opportunities in your work to cultivate old fashioned values like love, compassion, humor, and loyalty.
Before I begin, I want to make it very clear that I have appreciated every single compliment and praise that I have ever received about my art. I am acutely aware that the support that I receive from everyone in this community has inspired and motivated me to continue my art, and has been integral to my growth and exposure as a small artist.
No matter their content, I understand that compliments and praise come from a good place and mean no ill intent. Therefore, if you have ever expressed your support for my work, liked my work, retweeted my work, shared my work – thank you. Please, please know that I appreciate you, appreciate your support, and am grateful.
On Praising ‘Talent’ and What ‘Talent’ Means
“You’re so talented!”
“I wish I had your talent!”
Friends, let’s talk about the word ‘talented’ and how we use it to praise an artist’s work.
I know when people tell me that I am talented and that they wish they had my talent, I know that it comes from a good place. I know that this is praise, and that I should appreciate it. The thing is, I do appreciate the good intent and I appreciate the support – but I’m also, at the same time, uncomfortable with being called ‘talented’. And whilst there may be some artists out there who don’t mind being called talented, I also know that I’m not the only artist who feels this way.
Talent implies an inherent ability or a natural affinity for something. It implies that a person is naturally better at something than others because their skill is significantly better than others. It implies that this person is special because they got lucky and can do something better than everyone else. ‘Talent’ seems to imply that there exists two types of people: those who are ‘talented’ or are ‘not talented’ – which is so strange, because do we still truly believe that human ability is so simple, so rigid, so predetermined?
What are you telling artists when you tell them that their talent is the reason why their work is so awesome?
There are certainly people who are ‘talented’ – there are people who have a natural skill that exceeds ordinary expectation or ability; there are people who will pick up a pencil for the very first time and will just produce the most incredible art. But these people are so incredibly rare.
Here is a pill that people find difficulty swallowing: a lot of artists out there are not ‘talented’ nor were they born with this innate ability to draw well. Rather, the artists that you call ‘talented’ are hard-working and persistent individuals who have poured hours upon hours to improve their craft – and have succeeded in improving.
Maybe you didn’t mean it that way when you called an artist ‘talented’; you didn’t mean that they didn’t work hard. And honestly? Most artists get that. We get that you’re just trying to compliment us and that you’re just trying to be nice. We get it. But, I implore you to reflect on what you might also be saying, intentionally or not, when you call someone ‘talented’. I implore you to try and understand why ‘talented’ tastes bitter from the artist’s point of view. I implore you to critically examine why you perceive art as something that is about talent, something innate and inherent and something that you are born with. I implore you to see art as something that is a skill, something that can be nurtured, something that can be improved over time.
Art is a Skill, Like Anything Else
So one day, you decided that you wanted to create amazing art too. You picked up a pencil, drew a few things, and perhaps after a few hours of trying, you decided that you were not cut out to be an artist because you did not like what you drew. You decided that you had ‘no talent’.
But what if you had kept trying?
Like playing a musical instrument dancing, writing, and the ability to slice vegetables super fast like all the chefs on Masterchef do, art is a skill. Drawing and art is something that, given a lot of hard work and time, you can improve over time. Producing good art requires learning and having a good grasp of basic art skills before you drawing something bedazzling; basic skills entail learning how to draw good lines, learning how to shade, draw good line-art, understanding perspective, human anatomy, how lighting works – so, so, so many things. Likewise, you wouldn’t expect someone who has never driven a car before to hop into a car and pass a driver’s test on the first go – to become a competent driver, driving (for those able to do so) requires practice.
Art, like any skill, requires practice; hours and hours, and days, and weeks, and months, and years of practice. Practicing is not fun either – it is riddled with failure and self-doubt and challenges that test your ability and make you question yourself on whether you can ever improve. Sometimes practice makes you feel like shit. It can feel scary because the prospect of failing can be paralysing.
There may be factors that limit your ability to improve – whether it be a disability or access to resources to produce art, and any of these reasons are valid. Nonetheless, everyone’s journey and experience with art will be different. What tends to be the same, however, is that improving art can be painfully and unbearably slow, and it is incredibly difficult to ‘see’ growth as it happens. Growth is different for everyone and means different things to everyone. But practice is absolutely and positively correlated with improvement over time.
I thought about the number of hours per week that I spend drawing. As a hobby artist (which means that I don’t do artist work full-time), I probably spent about 20 – 25 hours on drawing this week. (And, of course, the hours I devote to drawing vary week by week as my responsibilities and commitments to other things in my life change.) And even though I devote such a significant amount of time to practicing (most of which I don’t show people – and perhaps I need to change that and be more transparent with my practice pieces?), my progress and improvement is still extremely slow. But when I look back at the pieces that I did only one year ago? I have improved, without a doubt.
“Talent isn’t the thing that has made me a better artist. Persistence, practice, and hard-work have made me a better artist.“
Here’s a challenge for anyone here who doesn’t agree that art is not about ‘talent’: To those who think they don’t have ‘talent’ – if you really want to get good at art, devote 10 hours a week to improving your artistic skill. You may start only being able to draw a stick figure, you may start with an already decent grasp of how to draw. Either is valid, and it doesn’t matter where you start. But if you don’t see any improvement after a year of genuine effort, I’ll concede that there is no hope for you and that you are hopelessly un-talented. (Spoiler: you will improve, you will be fine.)
You see a finished piece; artists see the process I get it.
When you look at a piece of completed art, you think, “well holy shit, this piece is so good and this artist is so good, I cannot imagine ever drawing this, they must be so talented to have accomplished this”, and so your answer to their incredible ability to produce something so beautiful must be ‘talent’.
But the thing is, what you see is a completed piece. What you don’t see is that a lot of artists have devoted a lot of time to and have worked hard to get to where they are today (and with still so much room for growth!); what you don’t see are the many discarded drafts that will never see the light of day; what you don’t see are the many failed attempts and the projects on hold because an artist’s ability doesn’t quite match their vision yet; what you don’t see are the hours spent trying to finish it, so that we’re happy with it. What I am saying is: the art process is messy as heck, riddled with mistakes and continuous effort to produce something that is perfect and presentable. What we present and share with others is a curated process.
Are you starting to understand how dismissive and reductive the compliment ‘talented’ can feel to an artist who has poured their energy and soul into improving their craft and have pushed past all the challenges and struggles to get better?
Art is messy. Art can be such a struggle and it can rip your emotions to shreds. Art, for me, is a lot of self-doubt but forcing myself to keep trying because if I don’t try, I won’t improve. Art is consistently trying to unlearn the talent myth and being terrified that my latest piece will be my peak, and that I will never improve.
Drawing makes me so happy and it’s something I am so passionate about. And because I love art and I want to grow as an artist, I have invested a lot of time into it, I have worked so extraordinarily hard to grow and get better, and I have grown – a lot. It wasn’t talent that got me from May 2017 to April 2019. It was hard work, time, effort, perseverance, my love for art – things that are so much more complex than ‘talent’.
And I’m still growing, and my best is going to look even better in 2021.
Some Compliments That You Can Use Instead! So thank you for your good wishes, thank you for your compliments, and thank you for your support. But please, don’t call me ‘talented’.
But that doesn’t mean that artists don’t enjoy compliments. In fact, we do! Artists love compliments! And if we’re sharing our art for you to enjoy for free*, it’s likely that we would love to hear your compliments and would appreciate it immensely.
(*And no, reposting art is not a compliment! Artists hate it when you repost our stuff! And for those of you are not clear on the subject, here is a great post that covers what ‘reposting’ is, and here is a FAQ on why reposting is bad and really harmful for artists.)
The next time you’re scrolling through social media and you come across a great piece of art, you can show your appreciation by using one of the following compliments instead of ‘you’re talented!‘:
You are such a great artist! [works every time!] I really love your art! [this makes artists happy!] Your art is so cool! [a great compliment!] Great job! [short, simple, and kind!] You have put a lot of work into this piece and it has paid off! [validates our hard work!] Congratulations! This is an accomplishment! [cute warm fuzzies!!] You are awesome! [this is so nice!!] This art could step on me and I’d thank them for it. [fun, chaotic, we’ll love it!]
I want you to do is to think back to all the possible times you might have told an artist that they were talented and whether it upset them. IT’S FINE. The last thing an artist needs to hear is that you are sorry for calling them talented. It’s awkward. The artist probably doesn’t remember anyway.
And if you want to continue using ‘talented’? That’s your choice and I’m not here to stop you! But I hope this piece has given you my perspective, which is one of many, on why ‘talented’ can feel a little uncomfortable.
Just — before you call the next artist or their next piece a work of ‘talent’, take a moment to think about what you might be saying when you call an artist ‘talented’. And then, tell them that their art looks great. It’s simpler and we’ll love it all the same.
“If you want to leave this station of your life you need to accept yourself to 100%.”
This means not only the good parts and good circumstances that happened to you in your life but also the miserable failures, the discontentment and everything that you consider a weakness in you. If you do not accept yourself to the fullest , disregarding in what situation you are right now , you won’t be able to change. Accept that you failed in the moment , especially with the most important goal of all : being happy with anything. There’s a union between body , mind and spirit and you have to understand that if you neglect one of these parts the other won’t play along.
That’s what I learned in my life brutally. You have to understand that if you love yourself and accept yourself for everything you’ve done in your life , it is like breaking a bond of mere steel that’s holding you on the ground. We all lived in some points of our life’s only in the past or future, and those things pull us back or forth so extremely , that we lose connection to the only thing that matters: the present moment. In every day of your life you are ONLY able to change something RIGHT NOW. Not in 5 minutes 5 hours 5 days or 5 years. The only way to change something is to use the present moment to the fullest. As long as you hate yourself and don’t accept you and love your own being with no condition, you cannot change your present condition.
With so much of advice about change being offered by everyone and that too to young people (especially when someone starts going towards the thirties), with internet teeming with stories about why change is good, with writers harping on about change is the fore bringer of betterment, with opposite sex consistently cribbing about or trying to make you change, is change really a good thing or is this keyword simply the latest in fashion. Mind you, people do not say transform, or adapt, they talk about change – which is a different ballgame from earlier two terms.
So, when people insist or say you must change, is that a rhetorical statement or are they simply trying to superimpose their own notions on you and your thinking. In first place, why do such people never change and stop asking everyone around them to change!
So let me try and dissect LIFE and see if one can change. When one is a child, parents constantly tell their kids to be a good human being, by being sensitive to others, by creating something for others, or simply being benevolent. This is also the instinctive behavior of a child till she becomes conditioned to the reasoning that sharing something may mean availability of less of the same for her. So, what really happens when one grows and starts earning .. All benevolence goes for a toss as by simply understanding the materialistic dimension of the world, it becomes clear that some hard decisions are required to grow further in life. Decisions which may adversely impact others but simply in the so-called ‘theory of integrity’ must be taken.
Yet as one grows older and wiser, generally, if emotional, material and social needs are fulfilled in the progression of life, the person starts leaning towards becoming a philanthropic. Hence life becomes full circle. So do humans change? Their ‘being’ may change at various points in life but it all comes back to the start. Then where is the change in human beings?
Why then is there so much emphasis put on “change” by many people. Is it a need to become something else or follow the sheep and then try to make others adhere to the same reasoning, similar manner of operations or same philosophies? Or, is it simply the need to go to the next level as per their understanding.
If so, then what about the levels. Are there any levels apart from what exist in our mind; are not levels only relative and may have different definitions for different people in different contexts? So, do they even exist or is there nothing called level and everything is whole and complete by its existence. In an analogy, there could be nothing more and less of anything, after all water is water whether you consider a drop of it or an ocean. And volume does not really matter to the subject as its properties and behavior remains the same.
Then what about the theory – change is the only consistent truth. Well, could be, if one thinks of change as an existential dimension but can this be done consciously or on insistence of others.Turbulent changes do not affect reality on a deeper level other than to cement the status quo, so linguistically, for all change-advocates, for a change, please stop using the word change .. and for people around you that would make a quite refreshing change!
” Don’t fix yourself in the timeline.”
Trust me, I also struggled with this but slowly but surely you can have a better, positive and more improved mindset but you have to be patient with yourself. Don’t go too hard and think it’ll change in 1 day. First of all, your mindset is the addition of the knowledge you’ve acquired including your beliefs, morals and how you feel towards the world. Secondly, your personality is who you are and changing it is not that simple. You can develop traits and habits that make you the person you want to be, meaning you can change aspects of your personality you’re not very happy with.
Evaluate your own beliefs, your beliefs may be stopping you from expanding your mind and having an open heart to the world. Most times we believe we know enough so we feel like what we believe in is standard and whoever believes otherwise is a fool which shouldn’t be. Don’t have a mental block because you may be limiting your own self from growing fully.
I never thought of such a drastic change in just a few days.
I found a new me.
A complete change.
A new positive and responsible me.
After stopping art commission, I thought now I can really stop having so much responsibility at a time.
No more commitments. No more pressure to work and can live on my own terms.
I found a new mother in me. No she is not own biological girl but she is one whom I loved when she was just 2 days old. I never had this experience before, I remember she was born and I went to meet her.
Her too small little hands , fingers and small face. That was really amazing.
She is my family and I always loved when she used to come home during festivals. But now she will always stay with me and I will be with her.
Her parents died, and I visited her 20 days back.
I realised in just 20 days how it’s difficult to manage a child when you are working for your future. She got fevers 5-6 times. She is 4 years old and I even don’t know what medicines are for her.
“The role of a parent in shaping the life of a child is like the role of a mold in shaping the form of a plastic liquid which later solidifies.”
I don’t know.
I will shape her future in a good way or not but I will always love and she will be my priority.
Being a mum to any child is hard. If it’s someone else’s kid, perhaps I am wrestling with resentment for the biological parents for not doing the hard work. I’m sure it’s aggravating. If the parents are not around, I can’t vent to them and I can’t say anything to the kid.
So I am left with frustration and suffering and I can’t do anything about it.
Kids are very sensitive to whether or not somebody is paying attention to them, and whether or not anyone respects them. They expect fairness and to be treated in an honest and genuine way.
Kids don’t make small talk with each other. They’re very honest, very direct, and they expect the same from adults as they expect from their peers. They have an almost unlimited capacity and desire to learn, and they’re too inexperienced to be cynical about life so their enthusiasm is very high about everything. If you want to talk to kids, and have them like you, don’t be boring! Be excited, not just about whatever the two of you are discussing, but be excited that you get to talk to them. It helps if you actually do respect kids, and feel they have something to say that’s worth listening to. You should, because they do. They’re smart, curious, and they haven’t yet been weighed down by too much conventional thinking or social pressures. Recognize the human in them. They’re little, and they’re perhaps naive, but they’re still human and worthy of your respect and attention.
The most important thing about talking to kids is to listen. Kids don’t often have an adult who is willing to listen to them at all. Their lives are filled with adults constantly telling them what to do, what to think, even what to say. If you’re the (one) adult in their life that listens, and shows they’re really listening, that kid will adore you. You’ll be just like a fellow kid, and so that kid will open up to you and let you into their world.
After all these days I have realised, being a mother for a girl is the most difficult task.
Motherhood is an overwhelming, time consuming, tiring, draining, thankless job!
You second guess yourself, live in guilt and never know if what you’re doing is actually right. Being a mom is not a job for the faint of heart. It requires the ability to put another person’s needs above your own; and being able to willingly sacrifice, in the name of love. Being a mom feels incredible.I have never experienced a love before like that I feel with her and it was instant. It was intense, overwhelming and truly filled me with joy to the point of tears. No matter how hard of a day I have,or how stressed and overwhelmed I may feel BECAUSE of her, she can make it disappear in an instant. One sweet smile, loving hug or kiss. One innocent, brutally honest, “ I love you BUA (Aunt), and everything simply melts away and my heart is overcome with joy and love and connection. Being a mom feels amazing. I adore her.
Of course, I believe motherhood is subjective and certainly not suitable for everyone. Just because someone has the ability to have children does NOT mean they should. For me, being a mom means living in the moment though I must plan for the future. It means truly letting go of the small stuff and learning to just breathe, to just be present. A child’s love is precious and should never be taken for granted. Words not only hurt, they scar. Children may be resilient, but they certainly remember. Being a mom is the greatest choice I’ve ever made, the hardest job I’ve ever had and the deepest, purest love I’ve ever known.
“If you quit on the process, you are quitting on the result.“
Ethically: Process is more important than the result.
Practically: Result is more important than the process you undertake to achieve it.
It is so because process is something that we do and that is something which is in our control, but result is something that is based on numerous factors and is beyond our control.
Hence, if you pay more attention to the results, you are likely to be worried, frustrated and dissatisfied.
If you, however, pay attention to the process, you can always be satisfied and happy with every result.
Let me explain this with some examples.
Suppose you are writing a competitive examination for a job (like IAS), or setting up a new business or writing a book, there is no way you can be sure that you can be a success.
As a matter of fact only a small percentage of people actually succeed in such endeavors.
Hence, most of those who focus on result alone (or judge people or their own selves from the results alone) are likely to be dissatisfied most of the time it is highly unlikely that they would get the results they have actually aspired.
However, as far as the process is concerned, it is in our hand and we can derive satisfaction from it every moment and enjoy the journey.
For example, if I am preparing for a competition and I am working hard everyday with best of my ability, I am enjoying the very process of learning and also satisfied that I am doing my best to achieve my goals.
In such a situation, even if I am not successful, my time has no gone waste since I have enjoyed the process and learned something useful in my life.
My life experience has also taught me that if my processes are right, my results are also going to be the best.
You can hardly ever fail if you follow the right process because even if you fall short of your cherished dream, you have still realized your full potential and achieved the best you deserve.
“Happiness is not an unexpected jackpot nor a monolithic cluster but a forbearing casting and a daily discovery process.“
Imagine yourself processing or traveling which need important and meticulous thinking. If you have other people to go with you like your family, you need much planning. Protection and details of what and where and the how’s of such are included. These are much more complicated things to consider when planning.
Although positive results are expected, sometimes what we did not expect is what happens. So we must learn to be open, always ready as ro the result of all the processes we need to accomplish. Results can be negative or positive, especially if we are planning without considering the effects or reactions as the results of all the fussing.
Doing or accomplishing the processes needed a lot of considerations, a lot of thinking and adjustment. Accomplishing the processes is a more complicated matter. While waiting for the result, it could sometimes stress the worse in us. So, a lot of patience is necessary, doing it in a calmer stance quite destroys the peaceful state of mind and emotion we always need. Life can be boring at times. Sometimes we cannot avoid boredom to enter into our system. But those are the hassles in all the bustles of living. We would rather learn than forget that we needed more than awareness, if we can.
In accordance with our moral values and ethical standards, we are expected to follow some norms and regulations, the end result not being the main focus but the path we walked on. The success ( result ) you get by backstabbing your own friends ( process ) is more a failure, the ultimate result changing colors to suit the process implied. It is ethically wrong to rob a bank even if the the situation that led the person to do it is morally right. This is something many will argue on. If it is for the cause of good, it has to be right, but sadly, that is not the case. The labeling of right and wrong is put forth on the society’s shoulders and not just that one person we are speaking of when one speaks of ethics.
When it comes to practical life, all it matters is you achieve your goal and if in the way of getting there you have to shed few drops of bleed or make sacrifices, well and good, it is up to you, as the prize is the end achievement and not how you achieve it. This is a easier way of approach for our daily problems as the end term is met.
So, what do you choose? Live with your bruised morals or live a hard life?
Both have its consequences, both are two different paths, and you can only pick one.
Never. It’s all in your head. My ears are big, My smile is bad, My neck is long, My foot is long, I am lanky ; does it make me different from others? Do I stand out of the circle? It’s not anyone who has to decide, rather it’s my decision whether to.
Everyone is unique in their own way. It’s your thought which makes you different and on the other hand it’s completely OK to stand apart.
Never underestimate yourself. Acceptance must come from within yourself. Natural Imperfections are far better than Perfections which come from materialistic things which are just subtle arrogance and wouldn’t stay long. Never worry about things you can’t change, only worry about things you should change.
Right from the moment we are born, we are judged and compared and rated on the basis of our caste, color, height, weight, behavior, character, skills and what not. Now that we are grown ups, we can focus on our skills because that’s a major concern in today’s scenario. We want everything around us to be perfect. Perfect neighbors, perfect son, perfect wife, perfect job, perfect house, perfect employees.
But before making any attempt towards being perfect, tell me something, who sets these standards for you to be the one?
Was that you? No!!
Was that your spouse? No!
Was that your manager? No!
Was that the other person? Ahh, Yes!
90% of the problems that evolve and encircle our lives are because of that “OTHER PERSON” with whom you may even not be concerned.
You are not a “A” band performer. Look at your colleague. He is so blah blah blah.
You are not a perfect daughter. Look at the children of Mrs. Sharma. They are so blah blah blah blah. You are not a perfect wife. Why can’t you handle work life balance? Look at Ms. Sindhwani. She is so blah blah blah.
Now I have put blah blah in spite of any adjectives because I know it pains a lot to hear someone’s else praise at the cost of your criticism. So let that be blah blah blah.
Shit happens right? Very often we tend to hear such unpleasant, rude and sarcastic words which burns us to the core.
Some awkward times, the other person with whom we are compared and judged in our respective roles and responsibilities might not even have the basic etiquettes.
That other person can also be an asshole in the area where you are the claimed master. Never judge or compare yourself with some other fool no matter how sensibility intelligent he is.
You can always learn from the people around you but don’t take them so seriously that you end up losing your own charismatic charm and worth. As the lame cliche goes, each one of us has a unique quality to endorse. Don’t let it be hidden for more than required. Show up.
Acquire skills. But before acquiring any skill I would say acquire HUMANITY.
Inculcate a soft corner in your heart. Learn humanity.
You are a Human first. Put Humanity first!!
” Real beauty carries the uniqueness of imperfection within it.”
Learn to appreciate people. We have become so thrift and greedy that our tongue only supports us in criticizing others. A respectful compliment for someone’s genuine hard work never hurts anyone.
Compliment people. Appreciate them with a smile.
Give them warm effective remarks. Trust me it will come back to you.
You are not perfect. Yes, the one Who is reading this. You are not perfect. And neither is the person to whom you are judging.
I want to make it very clear to you holding both of your shoulders and staring straight in your eyes, that it’s OK to be imperfect.
It’s OK to have some flaws. It’s completely OK if you are not OK.
Go to the washroom or find a better place to CRY. Allow the tears to escape your eyes. Cry till you feel better. Let it get out of your system. Done? Great! Wash your face and apply a coat of mascara and jump into the field again.
Do Not get bothered by what others think about you.
Do not let any ass disturb your state of nirvana.
Make yourself believe that you are not the kinda person to whom they are referring to. Don’t let things affect you. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s life. Don’t expect it to be nice. You will encounter the descent of the people to the one who is a complete pest.
Train yourself so well and so good that no storm can ever spoil your hairstyle.
Just relax, breathe. And those who don’t let you breathe, choke them up too.
You don’t have to be a Saint every time.
Whether it feels like it or not, they do. I encourage you to start reframing how you look at your own flaws and imperfections. Know that they really aren’t something wrong with you but in actuality are things that make you the amazing person you are.
You truly can embrace your flaws and discover that it is okay to be imperfect.